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Fantasy Football
Despite most clubs not having completed their transfer business, the pressure’s on you to put together a side that’ll beat off competition from over 2 million others (or at least a dozen of your mates) to claim the Fantasy Football title.
You end up spending two hours thinking of a funny team name, an hour designing your team’s strip and twenty minutes choosing your players.
You’re the Hull City (Tigers) owner of Fantasy Football. And after a dreadful start, you’ll never log in again after September 1st.
Ante-post Bets
It’s gonna be our year. It’s an investment.
You should have backed Atletico last summer to win La Liga and you’re not gonna make the same mistake again. And surely Pochettino can finally bring a title to White Hart Lane? With Adebayor as Premier League Top Scorer, now Suarez has fecked off?
Yeah, it’s a time of optimism when you’re sure your side will make it their year so you put your money where you mouth is and back them on the ante-post market.
You’ll be wondering what to do with your new-found riches come May. Until it suddenly becomes apparent three weeks in that you should have backed your manager to lose his job first.
Latenight Meaningless Friendlies
You haven’t known what to do with yourself since the World Cup ended.
You’ve actually become re-acquainted with your partner after watching 64 games from Brazil, and are back in their good books.
But you’re about to ruin it all by staying up until 4am watching a team comprising of one new signing, half the youth team and the club’s deadwood grind out a scoreless draw with an Asian team you can’t pronounce.
And do it all again tomorrow night.
New Jersey
Mention the words “new jersey” to a normal person and they might reply “The Sopranos”.
Mention them to a football fan and they’ll probably counter “start of August”. Most clubs have by now released their sparkling new kits for the summer with contrasting results and, despite only buying one 12 months ago, you’re convinced that the slightly tweaked collar justifies shelling out 80 quid on a top you’ll wear to the pub and five-a-side.
Before buying a new one again next year.
The Nerves
Little over two weeks to go and your club hasn’t signed Messi yet. Or anybody for that matter, apart from a Bosman signing from Stoke.
You check the BBC’s Transfer Gossip page when it changes at midnight, scour foreign websites for mentions of your club’s name, and follow 16-year-olds posing at football agents on Twitter.
You put in more time than your club’s chief scouts but you end up with another Bosman signing. From Stoke.
Expert Predictions
Every year it’s the same. So-called experts predict this’ll be the year Arsenal fail to make the top four and ensure us that all the promoted sides are too weak to survive in the Premier League.
Come nine months later and their psychic abilities are forgotten about as they lie that they’d always had faith in Arsene Wenger and that they knew last season’s Championship play-off winners would finish mid-table.
Fantasy Football
Despite most clubs not having completed their transfer business, the pressure’s on you to put together a side that’ll beat off competition from over 2 million others (or at least a dozen of your mates) to claim the Fantasy Football title.
You end up spending two hours thinking of a funny team name, an hour designing your team’s strip and twenty minutes choosing your players.
You’re the Hull City (Tigers) owner of Fantasy Football. And after a dreadful start, you’ll never log in again after September 1st.
Ante-post Bets
It’s gonna be our year. It’s an investment.
You should have backed Atletico last summer to win La Liga and you’re not gonna make the same mistake again. And surely Pochettino can finally bring a title to White Hart Lane? With Adebayor as Premier League Top Scorer, now Suarez has fecked off?
Yeah, it’s a time of optimism when you’re sure your side will make it their year so you put your money where you mouth is and back them on the ante-post market.
You’ll be wondering what to do with your new-found riches come May. Until it suddenly becomes apparent three weeks in that you should have backed your manager to lose his job first.
Latenight Meaningless Friendlies
You haven’t known what to do with yourself since the World Cup ended.
You’ve actually become re-acquainted with your partner after watching 64 games from Brazil, and are back in their good books.
But you’re about to ruin it all by staying up until 4am watching a team comprising of one new signing, half the youth team and the club’s deadwood grind out a scoreless draw with an Asian team you can’t pronounce.
And do it all again tomorrow night.
New Jersey
Mention the words “new jersey” to a normal person and they might reply “The Sopranos”.
Mention them to a football fan and they’ll probably counter “start of August”. Most clubs have by now released their sparkling new kits for the summer with contrasting results and, despite only buying one 12 months ago, you’re convinced that the slightly tweaked collar justifies shelling out 80 quid on a top you’ll wear to the pub and five-a-side.
Before buying a new one again next year.
The Nerves
Little over two weeks to go and your club hasn’t signed Messi yet. Or anybody for that matter, apart from a Bosman signing from Stoke.
You check the BBC’s Transfer Gossip page when it changes at midnight, scour foreign websites for mentions of your club’s name, and follow 16-year-olds posing at football agents on Twitter.
You put in more time than your club’s chief scouts but you end up with another Bosman signing. From Stoke.
Expert Predictions
Every year it’s the same. So-called experts predict this’ll be the year Arsenal fail to make the top four and ensure us that all the promoted sides are too weak to survive in the Premier League.
Come nine months later and their psychic abilities are forgotten about as they lie that they’d always had faith in Arsene Wenger and that they knew last season’s Championship play-off winners would finish mid-table.